I Don't Care

At first glance, not caring might seem like a terrible perspective, suggesting a lack of empathy, compassion, or purpose. When I say I don't care, it means I've reached a point where something else or someone matters more. The situations may be simple, like choosing where to go for dinner, or more complex, such as not constantly explaining myself. I have adopted a think-what-you-will attitude. Those who know me well understand my good intentions and will save me from myself if necessary. That's why they are my people.

Someone once mentioned to me that your 50s are the decade of "I don't give a damn," and that concept resonates with me. It's not that I don't care about anyone or anything; rather, I've discovered a freedom in letting go of others' opinions and distancing myself from those who were subtly and passive-aggressively toxic. I agree to disagree. I'm not taking the bait or engaging with the nonsense. I have phrases at the ready—"interesting," "you do you," "I completely disagree so that's kind of fun," and when necessary, "we're done here."

Don't get me wrong, dear reader, I love to yip yap with people, especially when their perspectives and insights are different than mine. Heavens to Betsy, some times, I even change my mind or point of view based on someone else's insights or information. Changing your mind doesn't make you a hyprocrite; it makes you human and informed. However, more often than not, despite our greatest efforts, we don't change people's minds on certain topics. We disagree and that's the end of the sentence. Respect, kindness and peace need to matter more.

During the presidential election, I had my fair share of heated conversations. I learned a lot about people and even more about myself which brings me to my next point: I really don't care what flag you fly. I care more about the tenets of my Christian faith which require me to love God and love my neighbor as myself. No exceptions. The end. "Biblical agape love is the love of choice, the love of serving with humility, the highest kind of love, the noblest kind of devotion, the love of the will (intentional, a conscious choice) and not motivated by superficial appearance, emotional attraction, or sentimental relationship. Agape is not based on pleasant emotions or good feelings that might result from a physical attraction or a familial bond. Agape chooses as an act of self-sacrifice to serve the recipient." (Commentary, Precept Austin.) Easier said than done and some days I'm more successful at choosing to love than others.

It's not my job to assume you're going to hell in a handbasket. If God places you on my path, my calling and purpose is to listen to your story and share my own, which is deeply rooted in my faith. Even if we disagree on what we believe, I will still be kind to you and be of service if I can be. Too many people get their knickers in a knot, in the name of Jesus, without truly jumping into the messiness and engaging with the chaos and blurred lines. Sometimes I am the chaos and I am so grateful for the people who see me through the lense of mercy and not judgment. ("For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13.)

There are some who will question the strength of my faith because I am not calling out the flags I see people flying. It's okay. These are probably the same people who told me I was filling my son with evil because I let him read the Harry Potter books and probably the same people who asked me if my daughter was in the NICU because of the unconfessed sin in my life. I honestly think these people were trying to help me. Why do I think that? Because I always keep my lens of mercy glasses handy and I put them on when I remember that I need to. My wise pastor once shared that you can be sincerely right and sincerely wrong. In the end, I don't care. It feels really good to be in a place where I can finally say that and mean it.

I don't know where you are today. There's such a fine line between caring too much and not caring enough. If you're like me, you'll need to sit with yourself a bit. What I do know is that sometimes it's okay if you just don't care.

Coffee talk question: What have you learned to let go of? Help the rest of us and comment below!